We’ve just returned from our exciting trip to Zambia…

I arrived to find a hot peach colored hotel room with puke green bed spreads and cheesy pink and gold framed glamour shots of wildlife. In my bed, there was a scorpion. Now, I am not afraid of bugs, and technically a scorpion is just a big bug thingy, but somehow, scorpions are more terrifying to me than any other animal on the planet – including lions. Keep in mind, I have picked up a scorpion before, but it was one of the ones that stings like a bee. So, I decided as the thing crawled across my hand, that I needed to catch it to identify it. I caught it very carefully using the jar of death, and let it stay in the jar overnight to make sure that it was really really really gone. When I mentioned to the guide that was with us that I had caught a scorpion that had been in my bed, he said, “Oh, most of them are just like a bee sting, they don’t do anything.” When I showed him the scorpion he gasped and said, “Oh no! That’s the really deadly one, it’s just like a poisonous snake!” So the moral of the story is shake out all bedcovers and boots and pants and everything else for that matter before you put it on. – Sarah

Now, my turn to tell my near-death experience. Yes, I too nearly died (Not really, but it was scary – S) , Sarah doesn’t get to have all the fun and near-death experiences here. So, we were wandering around some wildlife park in Zambia, in an open jeep. It’s dark, and we stop and watch something… Impalas, maybe? Some boring animal that we’d seen 27835564231 times before (heck, you seen one elephant, you seen ‘em all) and we’re all on the edge of our seats watching the impalas do something exciting like.. eat, or something. And I twist around and there’s a lion walking up. And she’s like, oh.. maybe two feet away from me. Nothing between her and I besides 2 feet of air. Okay. This is okay. She stops, she looks at me, and she yawns. And she has the largest teeth I have even seen in my entire life. Not Really OK. And she passes by. I have to keep thinking “She’s yawning. She’s bored. She’s not after me. She’s yawning. She will not attack. I am not lion dinner, the impalas are lion dinner, just because there’s a hungry lion 2 feet away from me is no reason to believe that I would be lion dinner.” But she leaves, and that’s okay. I start to breathe again. I turn slowly back to where she has come from and there’s another lion there. But this one isn’t two feet away, this one is rubbing against my shoe. You know, I’d never realized how BIG lions really were. When you’re looking at them in the zoo, your first thought generally isn’t “wow, that thing really could kill me in about a quarter of a second, couldn’t it?” This lion also passes. Thank god. I think if that one had looked at me and yawned, I would have had a heart attack. That’s my near-death experience – I almost had a heart attack in Africa at the tender age of 27. There are 6 of us in the car. All of us on the right hand side of the car have been terrified out of our little skulls (but OF COURSE, I was in the most danger because I was closest) and all the people on the left hand side were relieved that they weren’t going to be the first course.

Then the third lion comes up. This one, kindly enough, walks about a meter away from the car, but she does stop and crouch when she gets to the nearest point to us.

She left too.. at about the same time that we left. This whole thing only lasted about 30 seconds. And 24 hours later my heart is still up in my throat.

Yes, I know that scorpions are a lot more dangerous. – Christi

Well the Zambia trip was lots of fun, but we are very very tired because we sat in the car on a very bumpy terrible road for about 8 hours today. We saw lots of birds, I caught lots of bugs with help, and Christi got to launder money in a home owned by the U.S. government. She laundered at least 700 malawian Kwatcha. (OK that’s only about 7 dollars) While she was laundering money, I was learning how to tie a baby on my back using only fabric and no knots. Somehow it holds a lot of weight, I don’t understand. Anyway, we’ll have to tell you the rest later as eyelids are drooping.

So far we have established a quote of the day system:

4-20-04 “Maybe the luxury buses have brakes?”
4-21-04 “The ability to have bug-free eyebrows is frequently underestimated.”
4-22-04 “The bug light should say: Do not use in tropical areas near water”
4-23-04 “You haven’t really traveled unless you had a chicken riding up your pantleg for at least four hours”
4-25-04 “Deadly scorpions are not my friends.”
4-27-04 “The Malawian hippo dance is a rare art form”
4-28-04 “Accidental money laundering is much more fun in embassy housing”



- posted by Sarah @ 12:40 PM

 
Traveling with Sarah is a lot like you would expect it to be. We're always 45 minutes late and covered in bugs. We've unionized the servants, and set up a recycling program for the country.

just kidding. about the recyling program.

let's see. I arrived to see Sarah about a week ago. We headed to Liwonde National Park to look for bugs. and elephants. We decided to take public transit to get from Lilongwe to Liwonde. (don't worry, just to be a little more confusing, there's also a Liwongwa too - headed there tomorrow) This seemed reasonable at the time. Heck, it seems reasonable now, it's just that none of you will agree with us on that small matter. Anyway, we headed for the luxury buses because.. well, okay, we admit it. We couldn't figure out where the non luxury buses were. The bus was supposed to leave some time between 7 and 7:30 am so when we arrived at 6:55 it was pulling out. We run after the bus, with all of our belongings strapped to our backs. All of my belongings consist of a Minidisc recorder, a pack of Minidiscs and a mic. Skip clothes, they just get dirty anyway. 2, maybe 3 lbs of weight. Oh, and my malaria pills. Sarah has brought everything, including the kitchen sink - wading boots, hiking boots, 2 bug nets, a bug light, a camera the size of a honda civic, plus 782354412 jars. Catch the bus. Ride the bus three blocks. Sit at the next stop for an hour and a half. This is so Malawi time. Everything opens at 5, but no one is there at 9. yes. The bus is pretty empty for the first three blocks. Pretty luxurious, I must say. Then at 8:30, 893475732 more people got on the bus. By ON the bus, I mean that the first 25132 got into the bus and the remaining ones got on the bus. But you know, all in all, pretty comfortable. Only 3 chickens on board, people were nice, no one was carrying rotting meat, and I couldn’t personally see any of the goats.

Took lots of pictures – my digital camera was the coolest thing ever because you could look at the pictures after taking them. Everyone wanted to see what they looked like. Bought bananas and shared them and now we have many new best friends. And pen pals in Malawi. Let us know if you want a Malawian pen pal, we have plenty. Some kid borrowed my “Lonely Planet Guide to Malawi” and read the whole thing.. It was all good.

The bus ride took 7 hours.

Arrived at Mvuu resort 3 hours late. They seemed mystified. “you did what? You took public transportation to get here?” and had the servants carry our bags to our rooms.

If you’ve ever seen temptation island (the reality show), which I haven’t, but there’s a point to this story, just wait.. there’s an episode where the guy and the girl or the guy and the girls, or whomever, go off to a resort thingy to spend a weekend in Belize – on the mainland, not the island… and the people are roughing it because they have to live in little cabins around a lake. And I know about this place because I spent the night there one night (it’s a long story), but anyways, the point is that this place is just like that place on Temptation Island. Little bungalows everywhere.. but in this case, you aren’t allowed to leave your little bungalow without an armed guard because there might be marauding hippos lurching through. Hate it when that happens.

(sarah steps in: )

Sorry, at this place in the story I have to interrupt, because Christi slept through the whole thing…What would Christi know about marauding hippos!!! The first night, we went to sleep, or rather some of us went to sleep and then woke up a few hours later to large grunting noises that seemed to be coming from the end of the bed. By loud grunting noises I mean like a tractor with a clogged fuel injector. So I was trying to sleep, but it really sounded like the thing was going to come in, so I sat up terrified in bed (keep in mind, there is no electricity, so I can’t turn on a light, and it’s pitch black) It wasn’t really clear to me that the hippo was not in our room until he/she started rubbing against one of the posts which caused the little bungalow to sway. At this point, I decided to wake Christi. Christi decided that the hippo was not able to get through the plastic screen separating us from him/her, and promptly fell back to sleep. I on the other hand stayed up all night, my eyes peeled to the darkness in the direction of the hippo sounds. At one point, there was also a warthog in the camp, which was a grateful distraction from the hippo. All this time I was thinking, where are the people who are supposed to be patrolling for hippos to keep them from knocking over bungalows. Three hours later at four in the morning, a guard armed with a flashlight, came and scared the hippo away. The next day, I overheard the ladies who were in the bungalow next to us say to the guards, “There was a hippo next our room last night” At this point, I interrupted and said, “Actually, I think the hippo was IN our room last night”, and the guard started laughing, and said, “Oh, so you were the ones in bungalow five!!!!”

Back to Christi:
We got to drive around in a big jeep and a big boat looking for things. You get on the boat and the guide says “what do you want to see?” and the rest of the people say “elephants! Hippos! Rhinos! Crocodiles!” and Sarah says “Bugs!!!” and I say “everyone shut up now so I can record”

I’m not sure we were the most popular of the guests.

Saw lots of things, collected lots of bugs (more about that in a minute) and made lots of recordings. All like you’d expect.

Except the bugs.

We’re in a tropical zone.

In a swamp.

So, there’s no power in our room, but there’s lights that run off batteries, and Sarah, using her wit, charm, and sex appeal has managed to convince the electricians to rewire the bungalow to accomadate her bug light. The bug light says something on it like “leave on from 6pm to midnight for best results” and Sarah, being totally and completely insane, follows the directions. So, we return to our quaint little bungalow at 7pm.

We can’t find it.

No really, it’s gone.

In its place is a giant swarm of squirming insects. Literally millions of insects, surrounding our.. beds. (And this is where I thank Gene once more for letting me take his mosquito net) There’s even a pile of dead insects about a centimeter deep, not because bug lights kill bugs, just because if you get that many bugs around, some of them will die. (I want an elephant light. I’m just saying)

And of course, to turn off the light, we have to get into the bungalow.

Sarah is of course too busy trying to collect the giant praying mantis and .. yes.

I got bugs up my nose, in my ears, in my eyeballs, down my throat… I really can’t claim to be a vegiterian anymore (okay, I guess I couldn’t before either).. get the light off.. there’s bugs all over our room. All over. Decide to head to dinner because.. well, what else can we do? We sit down, and the british couple next to us who’s been having a discussion about whether, when you are at home, should leave your coffee cup for the servants to clean up, or just do it yourself, ask us if we need any bug spray.

And we laughed so hard we cried.

The couple at the table on the other side flips out because there’s a 4 inch long cricket crawling on their table!! Sarah collects it, and sticks it in a water glass with a salt shaker on top.

Our table is generally avoided for the rest of the evening.

I do think that instead of having attack dogs, or buglar alarms, you should just have bugs.

Sarah thinks they ought to put a warning label on bug lights “do not use in tropical swamps”

Headed back to Lilongwe today. We managed to catch the non luxury bus, which for a small second, I thought might be better than the luxury bus… because it was smaller. Of course, there were just as many people on it. And 40 lbs of dried rotting fish (which got placed on top of sarah, for reasons unknown. And many more chickens. And a church choir. And a flat tire. Or two. And then we ran out of gas. But it only took four hours to get home because we traveled at 200 km/h. And I sat partly out the window because it was much more comfortable. Sarah had a chicken trying to climb up her pant leg for the entire trip. But we got some good recordings of the church choir. Spilled a bottle of orange fanta on myself.

Got to Lilongwe and fell down a hill and scratched up most of my right side. At the minibus site a pickup stopped and offered us a ride, so we took it. Got to area 10, and fell out of the truck, scratching up my right side. Am sunburned and exhausted and in pain and so amused by myself that I can’t sleep.

I admit that it is pretty nice to return home to a typical middle class American home after a long trip. Sarah says. I’m thrilled about clean water. Typical except that we’re behind a 10 foot high barbed wire fence, an armed guard, two sets of metal bars and an alarm system that brings a SWAT team, and the furniture is owned by our good friends, the US Government.

Yes.

Sarah’s cousin doesn’t seem quite as amused by all this.

Headed to some other L place tomorrow to look at lions for four days. If we don’t get eaten by a pack of lions, it will probably be a small miracle.

Cheers,
Christi

- posted by Sarah @ 2:05 PM

 
Hello everyone! My cousins have internet access, so for now, I can update the blog often. This morning I woke up to loud singing of birds in the backyard, this area is just full of birds. I then went to a coffee social at the US embassy, where everyone was very friendly. The place looks like a fortress, and they check your car for car bombs underneath with a mirror before you can go in. From there, I walked to the Ministry of Parks office where I inquired about my insect collecting permit. The man I needed to talk to was completely on the other side of town, so I hitched a ride there with the assistant director of Parks and Wildlife. I then arranged to pick up my permit on Monday, because the minister had still not signed it, and he was out campaigning. After that, I decided to explore downtown and do some shopping. They have strip malls here that are not totally unlike something you might find somewhere in the US. I bought some juice, a broomstick, rubber boots, and some postcards. In the open market areas, people would bombard you trying to sell things. Apparently this happens to all westerners, because they have money. Sorry, WE have money. Anyway, I then used a payphone to call Julia. The payphones here are interesting, because you rent an actual land line from a young girl in a booth. She dials the number, and then she starts a stopwatch when they answer, and then you pay her at the end. A short phone call cost $1.75. I hope the cell phone I have works, because that will be much cheaper. I wonder if you can use the booth phones with a phone card for cheaper. I then ate lunch at the South African portugese style food chain which seemed to serve mostly hunks of chicken in a spicy sauce with fries. I ordered a cheese and pine sandwich hold the meat "hot", and got a pita filled with a slice of american cheese, pineapple chunks, some kind of cooked greens that tasted like spinach but wasn't, all smothered in hot sauce. Actually, it was pretty good. I will consider adding pineapple to sandwiches... Then Julia came to pick me up, and we went to play tennis at the US ambassador's house. One of the women we played with had sent her kids out to find bugs, and they had caught jars and jars full. Among them were a mantid, and a full-size tarantula. I let the tarantula go, because it was cute and fuzzy, and I just didn't have the heart to kill it. They're kinda like bunny rabbits with 8 eyes, I just couldn't. I also found a huge rhinocerous beetle, but It had been partially eaten, and most of the head was missing. Tennis was fun, I was not as bad as I think I am at it, and actually got some points for my team. Need to work on the serve however...Hope all is well at home. Over and out

- posted by Sarah @ 11:40 AM

 
Apparently the last post did not go through...greetings from Malawi! You can reach me by my new e-mail sarahdoty@ekit.com, do not send photos, forwards, attachments, graphics, or spam to this address, or you will be removed promptly. Malawi is beautiful, great bugging, will post tomorrow, but have not slept in 4 days, and am exhausted. over and out
- posted by Sarah @ 2:57 PM

 
Hello from Africa!!! I arrived in Malawi today, and I have not slept in 4 days, so I will make this short for now. There are some really really great bugs here!!!! and you can contact me!!! I have set up a temporary e-mail account and phone number where anyone can reach me. To leave me a message call 1(800)706-1333, press the star key, then the 2 key, then enter my account number: 1064690053, then press pound and leave your message. I will attempt to retrieve messages every other day or so. Also, I have been receiving so much spam in my hotmail account, that I have set up a temporary e-mail, where I will only receive messages from people I know who are on my list. I will not promise to check my hotmail account. PLEASE NOTE , If you send pictures, graphics, forwards, attachments, or spam to this account, I will immediately block you as a sender. THIS IS NOT A JOKE, I HAVE LIMITED TIME TO CHECK E-MAIL, AND LARGE MESSAGES CAUSE AFRICAN COMPUTERS TO CRASH. That said however, I would love to hear from all of you, so please write short personal messages letting me know what you're up to. The e-mail is: sarahdoty@ekit.com Maybe tomorrow I'll tell you about my trip.
- posted by Sarah @ 2:36 PM

 
Hi everyone! I have decided to create a blog that I can update from Africa, so that I don't have to e-mail everyone. To find out what's up just read the blog. I have no idea how often I will have access to e-mail, so it probably will not get updated every day. Ayla was upset that I was gone for the weekend, so she is trying to interfere with typing by sitting on the keyboard and purring loudly. So, I leave next week and I will be gone for around two months. YAY! I am excited and nervous and I have a million things to do! Over and out.
- posted by Sarah @ 12:08 AM